Live your life by developing and growing each day

Okay so I was going to have the title as 'why life is the same as baking a cake'...or something along those lines. Then I thought 'too cliche'.

But the message I wanted to communicate is along the same lines. I could keep it real simple by saying 'you get out what you put in' but it's not as simple as that. Achieving what you 'want' in life is not simply about effort. It's about a focused and directed effort that has been refined from past experiences, failures and research. Living a life you 'want' can be tough because it isn't as if your wants remain static...once you achieve one thing then you move onto your next goal. This is usually automatic for achievers in that not having a goal, even though you've reached all in the past, is worst then the difficulties faced in achieving a current goal.

But the fact of the matter is that none of us is owned anything in life and you have to be prepared to take the good with the bad. It doesn't matter how much you think you deserve something or wish for something to happen....even if you think something is 100% guaranteed to happen for you the fact is if it doesn't it doesn't - no matter how much you thought it would.

Now in these current economic times we are all being tested; financially challenging, jobs and careers not as secure...this could be leading to relationship and health issues etc etc. However it is what you do now that will make the difference and not a time to give up. To lead the life you want you have to take a path you think is correct, judge the results and if not as you want, make adjustments and try again. This is repeated as long as it takes. It's not about following the same process or 'receipe' but harder but doing things a little different, adding something/taking something away. You can also look at the 'receipe' of another person who has what you want - this is again another theme of neurolinguistic programming or NLP; modelling your actions on another.

Bottom line is that you cannot get out of bed each morning expecting something to happen because you 'deserve it or think it will happen because it did in the past'. Each action has to be attached to a result and you have to be prepared to change your actions if necessary - most important thing is not to ever stop because it might only need one more adjustment for everything to fall into place

Why being 'defined or labelled' by your career reduces life options

'You are what you do' is a commonly used term that I have read and heard many times when it comes to analyzing your behaviour, motivations and plans for achieving goals. Now there is no doubt that this is a pertinent and relevant observation...actions speak louder than words and often in this society of ours you are judged based on the actions you take. Not at all unfair considering that there are few better ways in which the wider world can understand and make a decision on you as an individual. However at this stage you might want to ask yourself 'what drives the behaviours that make me act the way I do?'.

Many of us identify with the career we have at any particular time and this identification includes the conceptual boundary of the behaviours that are appropriate for that career label. Whether you are in sports, advertising, accounting, construction, music etc....there is a preconceived notion of what is acceptable for an 'athlete', 'advertising exec', 'accountant', 'construction worker', 'rock musician' etc. You know when thinking these words an image comes into your head of what 'that person would or should be like'. When it comes to your own career, if you see yourself as 'your job role' then both consciously and unconsciously your behaviours will mirror this image; consciously because of the environment you are in at work and unconsciously because of your inner perception of this label.


What I am saying is that this 'label'; the identification of yourself as your career role e.g. accountant, athlete, doctor, teacher, psychologist will begin to narrow your options as to how you think and behave because you are conditioning yourself to think and behave along the lines of a image that is attached to your career. You may say this is crazy, but after a period of time it will be a difficult habit to break. Why else are huge career changes to difficult to make; in reality they are quite easy but the change in behaviours is difficult to assimilate in reality. There is also the danger of identifying with a career that is actually not 'you' - it was meant to be a part of your life but not control it. There are many examples of people realizing after 20 years that there job means nothing and that they feel trapped in their career - but do not know what to do. This is because they confused their identity with their career image.

What you need to do is not label yourself as your career; instead see yourself as a person with numerous skills and multiple levels of personality - which you are applying only a selection of to a particular career role at only this point in time. Be aware of how to apply your skills and personality to many challenges in life and never think that once you are on a path that you cannot choose another direction. This is something I undertake with my clients and whilst not always easy to control, because your options become limitless, the danger is that you narrow your options so much that in the future you literally become stuck in your life.

Live your life by following a successful receipe...

Okay so I was going to have the title as 'why life is the same as baking a cake'...or something along those lines. Then I thought 'too cliche'.

But the message I wanted to communicate is along the same lines. I could keep it real simple by saying 'you get out what you put in' but it's not as simple as that. Achieving what you 'want' in life is not simply about effort. It's about a focused and directed effort that has been refined from past experiences, failures and research. Living a life you 'want' can be tough because it isn't as if your wants remain static...once you achieve one thing then you move onto your next goal. This is usually automatic for achievers in that not having a goal, even though you've reached all in the past, is worst then the difficulties faced in achieving a current goal.

But the fact of the matter is that none of us is owned anything in life and you have to be prepared to take the good with the bad. It doesn't matter how much you think you deserve something or wish for something to happen....even if you think something is 100% guaranteed to happen for you the fact is if it doesn't it doesn't - no matter how much you thought it would.

Neurolinguistic programming or NLP talks about 'toward' and 'away' motivations - either you do something to obtain something or do something to stop something from happening. Now in current economic times we are all being tested; financially challenging, jobs and careers not as secure...this could be leading to relationship and health issues etc etc. However it is what you do now that will make the difference and not a time to give up. To lead the life you want you have to take a path you think is correct, judge the results and if not as you want, make adjustments and try again. This is repeated as long as it takes. It's not about following the same process or 'receipe' but harder but doing things a little different, adding something/taking something away. You can also look at the 'receipe' of another person who has what you want - this is again another theme of neurolinguistic programming or NLP; modelling your actions on another.

Bottom line is that you cannot get out of bed each morning expecting something to happen because you 'deserve it or think it will happen because it did in the past'. Each action has to be attached to a result and you have to be prepared to change your actions if necessary - most important thing is not to ever stop because it might only need one more adjustment for everything to fall into place

Society's evolution - better balance or lazy and immature?

The world is one crazy place today...war, heavily political, business development all over the world in developed and undeveloped countries, more greed then ever before, more stress than before and the continual search for wealth and a work-life balance. Makes for one convoluted existence doesn't it?

So when it comes to assessing where our society is and what it represents the question arises....is society maturing or becoming more immature? I think there can be arguments for both.

On the one hand society seems to be going through a changing phase that is simply more pronounced than ever before in history. This is reflected in changing values, attitudes, motivations that appear to make life unpredictable with no structure and no clear goals. People want wealth but do not want to work like in the past...is this progress and commonsense or unrealistic and lazy? It appears more and more people want it all which is therefore making it difficult for more of us to achieve this - don't tell me everyone can 'have it all'...limited resources means that this cannot be the case. To support the maturing argument it is simply that change is occurring faster than in the past because it can - not so hard to understand. The society, in the developed parts at least, are looking to achieve a better balance, work smarter not harder lifestyle and perhaps could be seen as more well rounded.

However the immature side has a strong argument. Everyone wants more wealth with less effort, greed is more prevalent then ever before, the age that is acceptable to become mature and responsible is now mid 30's rather than mid 20's, lack of respect of finance and investment principles and it is often more about caring for one's self rather than your community. Life choices are more 'me' then 'us' and in many aspects it appears we are regressing rather than developing. Stress is increasing rather than decreasing even in the face of all our technological advances. The majority of society would take a lottery win and live a life of luxury over work.

Only time will tell whether we can conclude more mature or less mature is the consensus agreement as to our society's progression and level of emotional and social intelligence. The key determinant of course will be the perceived concept of what mature or immature represents.

What is the inherent cost in taking a chance?

One line of conversation I have with my clients on a regular basis surrounds the cost involved, both financially and emotionally, of trying new ventures, taking new steps etc. It appears that whilst everyone can dream of achieving a new goal when it comes to physically performing all kinds of doubts and concerns surface - 'what sacrifice will I have to make', 'what will I have to give up', 'what will it cost me financially and I cannot afford that' are common themes that I hear.

However hang on for a minute! What are we trying to tell ourselves here, that change comes with no sacrifice, no expense and no effort? That if you do not see the reward instantaneously then it is okay to fall back into that favourite of human activities 'your old habits'?

All the good sayings....'Rome wasn't built in a day', 'cannot make an omelette without breaking some eggs' etc. are cheesy but make sense and are relevant. There will always be a cost involved in whatever it is you do - you have to accept that but plan to minimize that cost through good planning, careful consideration and forceful and focused action. It also helps to consider the cost of not making that change and the future consequences (think of it like negative compounding interest).

The life conundrum - what life choices should you make?

I was thinking today that there are generally two types of people; those who are constantly learning new skills based on the direction they choose to take at a particular time and those who will not consider a new direction but therefore have the opportunity to develop experience and skill in a single area.

The next question to myself was what was I? The second was what should I be? It's a tough one to answer because some of us stick with a few skills whilst others want to continually learn new ones. The bottom line though is that whatever choice you make it will influence your life path. But then I thought why can't I have my cake and eat it too. Why can't I learn new skills and develop them whilst learning even more new skills? Answer to that is I can but I'll need a lot of one thing. That thing is TIME. Unfortunately along with death and taxes (for the poor and middle class at least) the clock ticking down on our existence is a foregone conclusion. Until 2050 when the cure to eternal life is discovered of course.

What I figured is that I could be both and I could find the time. However it would require sacrifice because there would be a lot of things I would have to give up. And there you have it, the conundrum of life - you can have anything you want but not everything you want. You have to make a choice and live with it. You can retrace your steps but of course the clock is always ticking. Therefore be a man (or person) with a plan and stick to it with no regrets.