Is an intense and financially rewarding career misleading you?

Regret and realization are two words never used in the present tense, only the past, and this is unfortuate as we would be undoubtably better off if we could access them as a guide to the future. What I want to say is that only after a result has occurred that we do not want does the emotion of regret become realizable in our minds and then we start with the attempted emotional salvage, consisting of 'next time I'll do.." or "I should have or could have done....".

In my experience, based on my studies and work with clients, key drivers of regret always stem from (but not restricted to) a lack of purpose in what is being done (leading to low motivation), lack of clarity (meaning no vision of clear goals or objectives) and lack of refined knowledge and skill (that you are not so useful and have served little purpose to the community and society). No one wants to face the emotion of regret and it can manifest into a darker path if not addressed but the challenge is to be aware of the direction your life is taking and take the appropriate steps to make change where necessary.

Many clients come to me already mentally exhausted and emotionally weakened because they have just come to the conclusion that the direction they are taking in life is not want they want. I'm told because of the 12-16 hour days and large financial rewards that they never really had time in their 20's or even 30's to stop and assess where their life was heading and it's purpose. When they do stop and assess they don't always like what they find and even worse, where it is heading. As Maslow, an eminent psychologist hypothesized, it is every humans' goal to achieve a state of self-actualization and purpose, and this may appear at any time. What you want at 45 is different to that at 35 and definitely different to that at 25. Whilst you can change your mind in an instant, changing your life's direction can take considerably longer - thus need for pre planning and consideration.

Life management is about defining and managing your personal brand and identity in society - and on a continual basis as society evolves around us. Now whilst there is not yet any scientific approach to this process there are some obvious steps you can take; work with a life coach and psychologist to understand your values and motivations, identify your key interests and passions, know and understand your personality (refer to Myers Briggs) and from common sense point of view, dress and act as you would want to be perceived. Clean up your online profile and manage that the same as you would manage yourself in the real world. What this will provide you with is a basis for your being and create a framework of the principles within which you want to live your life.

The key point I want to make is that you need to be consciously aware of the path you are taking in life and the purpose you have. Hoping it will all turn out is simply giving up control of your existence to fate and losing control of your life is not an emotional state you want to experience

Benefiting from the poor decisions (mistakes) you make

Okay so I used the word 'mistake'...if I had used 'errors' instead I would have been told there is no such thing as an 'error', rather an unwanted/unexpected 'result'.

However back to the heart of the matter how do you benefit, from a personal development point of view, from decisions that do not produce the intended results? Or should I be asking 'do you benefit' from decisions that do not produce the intended results?

Decision making is the basis of our we live our lives, determines the path in life we take, the quality of life we have, and the goals we achieve. But more important then the actual decision made is 'how' we made the decision and 'what' made us choose one decision out of many we could have made? How often do we regret the decision we had made, not only during the next minute, hour or day but years in the future. In relationships, investing, career, business and health...the decisions you make are extremely important.

Now there are many drivers of decision making and the purpose of this piece is not to look at that in too much detail. I will add it is important to recognise that physiology, emotional well-being and living conditions can all impact short term decision making that may or may not be aligned with your inherent life values and motivations. However whilst you cannot guarantee your decision will not always produce the intended result, it is important to learn from what you get but do not want. Why? Because if you continue to follow the same decision making path it is common sense that tells us that the results may again and again not be what you wish for.

So the question you have to ask yourself is whether you are learning from the decisions you make that do not produce the intended results? Are you achieving your goals at work, in your business, your investments and in your relationship and if not are you reviewing the decisions you are making within each to determine how you can improve the decisions you are making? What is it you need to do to improve your decision making? There are a number of things that can contribute to this process - improve your skills or knowledge in a particular area, contemplate whether the 'rules of thumb' you recognise as true are in fact not correct, update your internal 'meta-level' framework and do the opposite of what you are doing to get the result you want.

To truly benefit from poor decisions can be challenging as it may mean altering the principles by which you have been living your life. There is nothing wrong with this as continual personal development should be the goal of every human on this earth. But it can be difficult and life and business coaches with backgrounds in NLP and psychology can make a difference.

How to achieve higher levels of performance - Part 1

For many people what I am about to say is not new and a principle they live by on an everyday basis. However for many it is something either not known, not recognized or just ignored. What I am talking about is the concept of blocking out emotion and old mental anchors when it comes to breaking through new barriers to achieve new goals.

I would consider myself as intelligent as the next person so of course I would say I understand what I am talking about today. But do I follow this principle day in, day out? No. Do I think what held me back from achieving certain goals, blaming everything but myself? Yes. If this is you and you want to stop the frustration when this occurs by not making it occur then keep on reading. Otherwise feel free to continue with the old habits.

I am not sure why but on the rowing machine at the gym yesterday I was putting in quite an effort and the body and mind was becoming weaker as time went on. But I had said I wanted to hit certain numbers on the rower and unless I upped the pace I wouldn't make it. At one point I thought (well the instinctual self or Id part of who I am)'who cares, I'm still getting a good workout' but the Rational or Ego self and Internalized/Ego Ideal self said 'no way, you need this to improve plus you already said you were going to do it. If you don't you'll continue to make average okay to achieve'.

Very good you may say but what next. Then I determined a purpose and defined the principles for what I was about to do over the next five or so minutes; better health, keep word to self, achieve goal, feel better - this created a value framework which I could operate within and move forward, rather than perform an action 'out of habit'. When the going gets tough, the principle of instinctual self will look to protect you and make it okay not to follow through unless you have a stronger underlying principle that supercedes. This is a key factor in achieving new goals or targets.

So I had resolve, princples and purpose but still some pain and exhaustion. Well I looked deep down and asked myself 'how did I truly feel'. The answer was actually not bad...my brain had created a upper limit based on past exercise and it was sending me a message that I was nearing this threshold. However what the brain knew was not what my body was capable was - in fact no where near it. The pain was not real, the state of exhaustion was not real. It was all a mental perception based on past experiences and performance. Therefore the trick was to focus on the actual task of rowing along with the breathing etc and believe it or not the physiological change improved my emotional or mental state.

Therefore in finishing off what allowed me to achieve this task, better than I had before was; define your goal clearly and necessary action, establish principles and purpose for goal - including keeping your word to yourself and thirdly, be task oriented and do not let old barriers determine your emotional state and thus your physiological or mental performance. Focus on doing and you'll find your emotional state switches and supports you.

Effectively managing periods of change in your life

Do you ever experience a sense of frustration when attempting to achieve something new in life because the change is not occurring quick enough? You know what I mean...you want to change careers and halfway through the three year study program you just want to finish, you're halfway through a fitness program and just want to get to the end and see results, you have financial goals and just want to reach that hard number...

For many of us, the goal itself is what we focus on; the new job/career/relationship etc without considering two very important things. The first is asking ourselves what we have done up to that point in time to expect that goal to be achieved at a faster rate then what is curently is and the second is to ask whether it is realistic to achieve a goal (assumably important)without working through a process first. Travelling for a year then expecting a great job, with plenty of money in the bank is a great wish but again but is the basis for this assumption in the first place?

Frustration,stress, anger...all negative emotions evolving from a life change or decision to make a life change is that your personal values have shifted in an instant to something new however your life experiences cannot be altered at that pace and take time to catchup. The time between when you change your life values and align your day to day life is the period where you will experience those negative emotions if you focus on the fact that you have not achieved your goal or living the life you wish.

An ex coaching mentor of mine told me once to focus on the process not the goal because you can control the former but not the latter - what I figured out is that negative emotions arise from when you lose control and positive emotions from when you can control events around you. So the secret to managing life change is to (1) plan ahead and have an idea of your 'life road map' and (2) ensure you do what it takes to make you achieve the goal every single day and (3) reinforce the belief that if you continue the process everyday then you will achieve your goal and there are no shortcuts in this.

People will generally give every excuse for not achieving a goal in an attempt to make themselves feel better. The truth is it will not and regret in hindsight is not a pretty emotion to experience. The fact of the matter is that the goals weren't achieved because the process needed to reach that target were not completed - it is as simple as that.

What does 'being an expert' truly mean?

We have all heard the term 'expert' mentioned countless times whether being applied to investing, health, fitness, relationship, politics, career etc. These 'experts' are seen to be the best of the best in their particular field and are turned to provide the best or most appropriate answers or solutions to any related matters. They are also paid the most to provide their time and knowledge.

But what does being an 'expert' truly mean?

Does it mean the most education or the one who knows the most, the one who can best apply their knowledge to real life situations, the one with the best results? Or does it simply mean the one who has convinced the most people that they are indeed an expert?

There are a lot of people who claim to be experts in their field who indeed have not proven that they indeed even an good at that they do. Most television experts are not experts but they have created a brand that makes them appear to be an expert to the public. This leads to TV ratings and thus their brand is sustained. Many financial and investment experts are not personally successful but through clever marketing appeal to the public's perception of what an expert is and thus become experts. Sports commentators are not necessarily experts on sport or politicians on politics. Sportspeople are good at a single role in a sport not all roles and politicians are not experts in politics simply because they were in politics. Real estate agents are again not necessarily experts in valuing a property but perhaps very good at sales.

The point I'm trying to make is don't be fooled by people who claim to be 'experts'. Whilst some truly are (though there is no set definition or classification) many are self proclaimed and are experts through clever PR and marketing. My advice before hiring an experts is to do your own reseach (DYOR) and see if it compares to that of an expert....it might only be the difference between yourself and an expert is reading a couple of pages of a book!

Do your own research (DYOR) vs Assumptions

When I decided to write about this topic I was in the middle of moving house - where due to assumptions (that turned out to be incorrect) my sofa became stuck in the staircase of my apartment and I overloaded my TV with excessive electrical voltage.

So what does this have to do with DYOR vs Assumptions you may ask. Well the initial result achieved for both the sofa move and tv connection was one not desired. It was not desired as I had acted on assumptions of information that were actually not correct and thus my own actions were not appropriate. If I had done my own research I would have identified prior to attempts made that the sofa was too large to fit into the actual width of the staircase rather than assuming by sight (and because it fit into my New York apartment) that it would fit easily and no way be too large.

Same goes with my TV set. Being a nice HD tv I assumed (because I wanted it to work) that I could take a US tv set and plug straight into a UK powerpoint. I assumed it would work because I also didn't want to make it any extra work than necessary. In psychology they call is 'heuristic' decision making because it is based on subjective rules of thumb.

Whilst DYOR will ensure that planning a goal will take more time it will also ensure that (1) your objectives and goals will more likely to be met (2) you will be more in control of your objectives (less stress, more satisfaction etc) and (3) there is reduced risk of unknown problems eventuating which could lead to waste of time and money (wasted time also inferring wasted money).

Now I have to sell my sofa and buy a new one plus have my tv repaired. This is additional time and money spent that could have been avoided if I had planned more effectively by undertaking research in advance.