Live your life by developing and growing each day

Okay so I was going to have the title as 'why life is the same as baking a cake'...or something along those lines. Then I thought 'too cliche'.

But the message I wanted to communicate is along the same lines. I could keep it real simple by saying 'you get out what you put in' but it's not as simple as that. Achieving what you 'want' in life is not simply about effort. It's about a focused and directed effort that has been refined from past experiences, failures and research. Living a life you 'want' can be tough because it isn't as if your wants remain static...once you achieve one thing then you move onto your next goal. This is usually automatic for achievers in that not having a goal, even though you've reached all in the past, is worst then the difficulties faced in achieving a current goal.

But the fact of the matter is that none of us is owned anything in life and you have to be prepared to take the good with the bad. It doesn't matter how much you think you deserve something or wish for something to happen....even if you think something is 100% guaranteed to happen for you the fact is if it doesn't it doesn't - no matter how much you thought it would.

Now in these current economic times we are all being tested; financially challenging, jobs and careers not as secure...this could be leading to relationship and health issues etc etc. However it is what you do now that will make the difference and not a time to give up. To lead the life you want you have to take a path you think is correct, judge the results and if not as you want, make adjustments and try again. This is repeated as long as it takes. It's not about following the same process or 'receipe' but harder but doing things a little different, adding something/taking something away. You can also look at the 'receipe' of another person who has what you want - this is again another theme of neurolinguistic programming or NLP; modelling your actions on another.

Bottom line is that you cannot get out of bed each morning expecting something to happen because you 'deserve it or think it will happen because it did in the past'. Each action has to be attached to a result and you have to be prepared to change your actions if necessary - most important thing is not to ever stop because it might only need one more adjustment for everything to fall into place

Do we need to change how we educate ourselves?

What do you think of when it comes to your professional education and indeed your professional growth and development? Do you know what you need to grow and develop both at the professional and personal level, or are you hoping for the best and that whatever choice you make will be the right one?

There is no doubt that our society, in respect to the way we live and do business, is continually changing and evolving. Work and life has never been so intertwined because (1) the corporate environment is becoming more and more competitive thus you have to sacrifice more to succeed within it and (2) with the increasing trend of working for yourself or within a small business there is the need to almost live by working in something that you want to become a large part of your life. There is no switching off when you come home at night; mobile communication sees to that and many people who run a business have to use that time to undertake other tasks that they didn't have time to get around to during the day. However what I've seen is that whilst we're working harder than ever, and perhaps enjoying the experience, there is still a challenge in ensuring that our professional and personal development is not only a priority but is also meaningful and of real benefit.

What I see in respect to the professional and personal development frameworks currently in place, at least in the Western countries I've lived in is; (1) schools are not preparing students for the reality of the changing world when it comes to teaching them the basic competencies they will need, (2) universities are struggling to do the same and for the most part change their courses only when they feel they are going to make enough money from it, (3) there are many what I would call inadequate and 'unauthentic' training and development companies that charge a lot of money for something that is either sub-standard or doesn't deliver any meaningful long-term benefit and (4) society as a whole is uneducated about the most efficient and effective way to ensure they develop both professionally and personally. Sure people develop but usually after a lot of wasted time, money and personal sacrifice that in hindsight (you have to love hinsight) could have been done a lot better.

We all need to consider how we educate ourselves and my belief is that as a society we can do this a lot better. Of course I have no real solutions but I would love for learning to be fully collaborative rather than directed by institutional bodies that by chance have put themselves in a position to dictate a lot of what we are taught. I also believe the future of our society is to ensure that our personal development is at least given the level of importance of information based learning so we are able to manage ourselves and make better choices when it comes to the key decisions in life. My advice is to think outside the box when it comes to educating yourself and really look at what you need - remembering that the information you learn today could very well be outdated within a short period of time but that the development of you as a person is an ongoing journey.

Life is about making the decisions that you truly believe will make a difference

When it comes to making life choices there are a number of unconscious and conscious forces at play. We can talk about genetics, behavourisms due to your upbringing and social circle and even your specific cognitive traits. These forces will produce needs, motivations, drives and goals. When it comes to making a choice in life about what you want to do it is common, at an early stage, to list a large number of options and wishes. However only later do you begin to realize that though you would love to do everything listed, inherent skills and time and even place in life will impact the success you will have in achieving those goals.

Humans all say a lot of things without really knowing what they are saying because they don't take the time to think about what they are saying. However language and thoughts most definitely influence behaviour so this isn't to be taken lightly. If you say you want to achieve 10 things in a year and you achieve one there will be a level of disappointment along with stress, anger, frustration and anxiety depending on your individual personality. Therefore it is better to think and realize that though you have the capabilities to achieve a lot it is better to focus on only a few at a time to ensure success.

In this goal driven world we live in goals are a normal part of everyday life. But what's the point in having goals if we have no time to undertake the actions necessary to achieve them. Why complete two of 20 goals in a year when you know that simply by living your life that year that you will have another 20 for the year after. Goals and dreams are the life-blood of humanity but unless they are achieved the human psyche will perceive weakness and failure rather than the realization they never had the resources to achieve all stated goals.

The secret is to do the work, make the effort to understand your true needs, motivations and goals and focus on achieving those few most important at any point in time - then move on to the next lot. Achieving five from five each year, rather than 10 from 20, will boost self esteem, increase confidence and reduce negative emotions. But the first step is to remember it's about quality not quantity when it comes to achievement.

Staying focused and motivated for your goals

How often would you experience the following:

'you have a great goal in mind, something you start off being extremely passionate about. You start with the research and make some good headway. You're still working to keep money coming in but this new idea should be ready to make money within 6 months and you could see it replacing your current full-time job within 12-18 months - that is also an important goal of yours. Some time goes by and you don't see to be making headway and your full-time job starts taking up more of your time. All of a sudden you wake up 6 months later and your great idea is no more. "Oh well", you say, "just wasn't the right time or right idea". Of course you might become disheartened and that's it - no more ideas'.

What I am framing is something that potentially affects many people who have ideas to start off a new project or business. Having an idea is the easy piece, implementing the actions that will progress you past the concept stage requires dedication. It also requires that you focus on the RIGHT PRIORITIES and make the RIGHT DECISIONS (or at least learn from the mistakes you made). It is easy for the brain to ignore pain and disappointment by focusing on something else. This is why if your idea/project is not progressing as expected it is far easier to focus on something else. However we often blame our environment for this 'failure' rather than ourselves. For many of us it is difficult to recognize your own personal biases when it comes to making decisions - whether that be the information you use for input, the experiences and assumptions you make when processing information and the fact that we rarely question our output.

Poor decision making combined with not knowing the tasks that should be prioritized because they offer most value to your project are two key reasons why many people lose focus and motivation. Not everyone is built to continually push past failure after failure and monetary wise many of us could not continue to do so. So what I am suggesting is that you become more efficient when it comes to making decisions and setting tasks. Doing this will result in more small wins and this progress will help you maintain your focus and motivation. So the simple steps to take are;

1. Ensure your idea is accompanied by a vision - supported by internal motivations/values

2. Don't keep your idea in your head. Write down what you need to do and if necessary speak to a business coach who can help you determine which tasks should be prioritized as they will lead to greater progress.

3. Be aware of your decision making biases - always look for independent feedback as well as analyzing why decisions made did not work out the way you expected.

4. Be conscious that you will fail only if you stop. Embrace the fact that setbacks are important but only if you learn from them.

Be aware of the attraction of short-term goals

"Now, wait just a minute" you may say, "we all need short-term goals so who is this guy Daryl Close thinking he is when he says to be aware of them?". I will then respond by asking you all to let me explain just what I mean.

I first started thinking about this topic when reading yet another article on the saga of the US financial system. AIG, if you haven't read it, are paying out another couple of hundred million dollars in bonus to the people that supposedly lost billions. Now, whilst interesting on its own, what is more interesting is the approach bank chiefs and regulators are now recommending - that is reward for long-term performance only, not short-term.

That got me thinking about my own decision making and how I differentiate between short-term and long-term goal setting. Obviously, it would seem, I make short-term goals that benefit me now and long-term for the future. But are is goal-setting process aligned? Do I make short-term goals that benefit me in the long-term and long-term goals that benefit me in the short-term? 'I don't know', is the answer to the first and 'I don't know' is the answer to the second. But for the second 'I don't know' may be a acceptable answer...it sure as ain't for the first.

As with the financial markets, if I take a high risk position to make myself a lot of money in the short-term, I carry with that a high risk of losing a lot of money. I've gone through that experience and it isn't pretty. Did that result benefit me long term? No way it did, though the intention was good. Now apply that logic to every other short-term decision you have made; at work, about a career choice, about a business choice, about a relationship choice, about a fitness choice....short-term goals and results do sometimes blind us from making decisions that are best for us in the long-term. Taking a job, for example, for 20% more is something that benefits us in the short-term but not if it takes us on a direction we don't really want to head in. Even settling for a job 85% of what we truly want will come back to bite us in the ass in the long-term...and let's face it, that's not great because at some point the long-term is the present. Everyone hates the word 'hindsight' and that's what that word represents - making a decision that is regretted later on.

So when you're making your next decision or setting your next short-term goal, question yourself as to the real benefit of that decision. Is the benefit in the short-term going to become a long-term benefit, and if not, is the short-term benefit going to out-weigh any negative consequences in the future? Not starting a business and keeping your 'safe' job may benefit you in the short-term, by protecting you from risk but in the long-term?....have a think about that one which is only just one example.

So my message is keeping setting short and long-term goals....but don't think they are independent of each other. If you don't then I think the quality of your short-term decision making will improve dramatically.

When do you make your best or most 'life changing' decisions?

The focus of this question, is in part, due to the fact that many of us are facing some difficult decisions over the next few months because of the challenges presented by the current economic state. I got to thinking the other day what drove a lot of my decision making and came up with the fact that making decisions are meant to benefit yourself - the challenge being whether that benefit is in the short, medium or long term. Short term gain for long term gain is something I do believe in if a decision is made with only the short term being the main focus.

Decision making is a cognitive process that the brain manages and the final decision is based on a variety of underlying factors. Personal values, motivations, your sense of expected rewards (and your valuation of them), emotions, past experiences, consideration of what your friends and family would expect....the underlying components are many. Many of these decisions are not 'life changing' simply because the human being is a creature of habit. It can be difficult to make decisions when you don't 'have to', even if you know making a change would be the best medium to long term decision.

Take for example the situation that many professionals are facing today. You may have been made redundant or there is a good chance of redundancy - what do you do? If you've always wanted to change jobs or get out and start a business then perhaps there is no better time. Sure things are dire now but when is there a 'best time' to make this change. The decision to make this change is more easy for the person who is out of a job then for the person who still has a job. They might have the same goals to start a business but for the person with a job, they might most probably think they are one of the 'lucky ones' to still have employment. They will think it is better to keep their job and plan to leave in a few years when they are more financially secure. On the other hand those who have been made redundant either have the choice to follow their dreams or look for new work.

What I want to emphasize is that when 'forced' to make a decision, there is perhaps a better chance of making it a life changing one. In the example above being forced to choose between job and new business does not mean you have a choice to remain with the status quo - you need a new job or need to start a business. There is no going back. Either path is new. So consider your own situation now and consider what decisions you can make today that might most impact your life...in a positive way and whether your current situation is holding you back. Might be worthwhile to consider what decision you would take if you were forced to change what you were currently were doing - would you try and revert to what you were doing or start out new.

Benefiting from the poor decisions (mistakes) you make

Okay so I used the word 'mistake'...if I had used 'errors' instead I would have been told there is no such thing as an 'error', rather an unwanted/unexpected 'result'.

However back to the heart of the matter how do you benefit, from a personal development point of view, from decisions that do not produce the intended results? Or should I be asking 'do you benefit' from decisions that do not produce the intended results?

Decision making is the basis of our we live our lives, determines the path in life we take, the quality of life we have, and the goals we achieve. But more important then the actual decision made is 'how' we made the decision and 'what' made us choose one decision out of many we could have made? How often do we regret the decision we had made, not only during the next minute, hour or day but years in the future. In relationships, investing, career, business and health...the decisions you make are extremely important.

Now there are many drivers of decision making and the purpose of this piece is not to look at that in too much detail. I will add it is important to recognise that physiology, emotional well-being and living conditions can all impact short term decision making that may or may not be aligned with your inherent life values and motivations. However whilst you cannot guarantee your decision will not always produce the intended result, it is important to learn from what you get but do not want. Why? Because if you continue to follow the same decision making path it is common sense that tells us that the results may again and again not be what you wish for.

So the question you have to ask yourself is whether you are learning from the decisions you make that do not produce the intended results? Are you achieving your goals at work, in your business, your investments and in your relationship and if not are you reviewing the decisions you are making within each to determine how you can improve the decisions you are making? What is it you need to do to improve your decision making? There are a number of things that can contribute to this process - improve your skills or knowledge in a particular area, contemplate whether the 'rules of thumb' you recognise as true are in fact not correct, update your internal 'meta-level' framework and do the opposite of what you are doing to get the result you want.

To truly benefit from poor decisions can be challenging as it may mean altering the principles by which you have been living your life. There is nothing wrong with this as continual personal development should be the goal of every human on this earth. But it can be difficult and life and business coaches with backgrounds in NLP and psychology can make a difference.

Achievement of goals part 1 - work smarter not harder

Achieving goals consists of a number of factors; defining the goal, allocating the time, working hard consistently, having a vision and purpose etc. But the one thing I see that consistently prevents individuals and organizations from achieving goals is the fact that the actions undertaken are not aligned to the achievement of the goal itself. No matter how hard you work or how much you plan or how much you visualize the goal, you will not get to your objective if your actions are not appropriate.

This is where business psychology needs to catch up with sports psychology and sports science around performance and goals if it's going to truly assist entrepreneurs and organizations and individuals achieve business and career goals. The science behind sport is quite clear depending on the sport you are undertaking and what you want to achieve and when. Training schedules are arranged, diets and nutrition laid out in detail, rest periods/tapering etc. The psychology around sports is also quite clear. However in business and career management there are many organizations and individuals who I see with great goals, lots of dedication but really do not know how to decide what actions to take or validate their decision.

So how do I suggest goals to be achieved more effectively? Well for one focus on working smarter not harder. Working harder and making more effort does not achieve anything if you're headed in the wrong direction. Based on this you need to continually assess whether your actions are actually the right ones - therefore have mini goals that can provide you with some feedback at regular stages as to whether you're on the right path. If you're not achieving the mini goals then there is no basis for thinking you'll achieve the main objective. It's also important that the reward for achieving the goals is there and tangible..otherwise motivation will fade.

Individuals and organizations have a lot to learn about goal setting - in an organization the difficulty is that the positions responsible to help achieve organizational goals are often held by those who do not know the science or art of achieving goals to begin with. In part 2 I'll look at individual goal setting and part 3 organizational goal setting

Effectively managing periods of change in your life

Do you ever experience a sense of frustration when attempting to achieve something new in life because the change is not occurring quick enough? You know what I mean...you want to change careers and halfway through the three year study program you just want to finish, you're halfway through a fitness program and just want to get to the end and see results, you have financial goals and just want to reach that hard number...

For many of us, the goal itself is what we focus on; the new job/career/relationship etc without considering two very important things. The first is asking ourselves what we have done up to that point in time to expect that goal to be achieved at a faster rate then what is curently is and the second is to ask whether it is realistic to achieve a goal (assumably important)without working through a process first. Travelling for a year then expecting a great job, with plenty of money in the bank is a great wish but again but is the basis for this assumption in the first place?

Frustration,stress, anger...all negative emotions evolving from a life change or decision to make a life change is that your personal values have shifted in an instant to something new however your life experiences cannot be altered at that pace and take time to catchup. The time between when you change your life values and align your day to day life is the period where you will experience those negative emotions if you focus on the fact that you have not achieved your goal or living the life you wish.

An ex coaching mentor of mine told me once to focus on the process not the goal because you can control the former but not the latter - what I figured out is that negative emotions arise from when you lose control and positive emotions from when you can control events around you. So the secret to managing life change is to (1) plan ahead and have an idea of your 'life road map' and (2) ensure you do what it takes to make you achieve the goal every single day and (3) reinforce the belief that if you continue the process everyday then you will achieve your goal and there are no shortcuts in this.

People will generally give every excuse for not achieving a goal in an attempt to make themselves feel better. The truth is it will not and regret in hindsight is not a pretty emotion to experience. The fact of the matter is that the goals weren't achieved because the process needed to reach that target were not completed - it is as simple as that.

Are you a consistent decision maker?

What I am referring to when I say 'consistent decision maker' is whether your approach/process/internal model in making decisions is applied the same way each time when making a decision? Would you cross the road against the lights if no traffic every single time, invest in a product you do not understand 50% of the time, decide to continue or dissolve a relationship based on same underlying reasons....the bottom line can you predict your decisions ahead of time or not?

If you are looking to develop and improve it's an interesting concept to think about - if you are consistent but want to change it is quite easy to identify the decision making drivers needing development. However if your decision making process is varied and not based on a consistent 'internal' methodology, then identifying what needs to be changed and predicting the result of the changes can become challenging.

My belief is that the fields of coaching and psychology, by themselves, cannot determine and recreate a decision making process with the goal of improving one's decision making (DM) capabilities. When I say 'improving' I refer to the act of a DM process that is more likely to allow someone to achive their goals - down to a very specific level. Rather coaching and psychology combined can perhaps achieve this due to the fact that one is more centred around action and effect and the other analysis and cause.

Making life decisions based on consistent or inconsistent decision making can make the difference between a life of fulfillment, goal achievement and clarity rather than stress, frustration and lack of understanding as to why results occur as they do. I am not saying that a consistent decision making methodology will result in the correct decision more than inconsistent - but self analysis will be made easier if the same decision making principles are made time and time again.

A consistent decision making process is necessary, even critical, in many occupations. Most sports, trading, manufacturing, agriculture....all require a consistent basis behind the decision. It's not about saying your life is inflexible due to this approach but rather you give yourself the opportunity to understand the 'inner you' a little better - and I don't know anyone who wouldn't see an advantage in that.

Is life actually about survival of the fittest?

Consider your life today and the journey you have taken to get to where you are. Think of the decisions and choices you made, the experiences you've had and your goals for the future - then consider the underlying theme behind it all. The theme is survival. That's right...all you have done and all you will do is based around surviving in this world.

I've said for a while that as you start moving out of childhood, where life is all about fun, life becomes more complicated. You encounter more forced responsibility and duties that you wouldn't choose to undertake. You work a job, rarely out of choice, but rather to earn an income that you need for survival. How you got that job was perhaps influence from parents who focused on survival and a main component of university study and career choice is financial reward - again about survival.

So how can you ensure you are one of the fittest and make life more than just survival but rather an experience? Well for one start by taking a look at those in the world that appear to have made it and living this way. One approach is to work extremely hard, make a lot of money at what you love to do and delegate all other tasks. Another way is to simplify your life and reduce the pressure on having to survive rather than actually living eg. reduce financial commitments and excess expenditure.

End of the day everyone runs a different race with a different winning post but the secret is acknowledging that fact and making sure you do not get caught up running the wrong race. If you do and if life is indeed about survival of the fittest it will be a race you will surely lose.

Why small businesses fail

What is failure and why do so many business startups fail? Failure could be classified as not achieving goals such as working more hours than planned, lack of enjoyment and satisfaction, too much travel - however in vast majority of cases failure of a business is due to financial reasons. That is not making enough money to cover costs.

Why does this occur and so freqently? I have met a lot of entrepreneurs, both who have succeeded and failed in business (some many times over), and the one thing they have in common is intelligence and drive. So if this is what you think you need to have to succeed then think again. The difference between success and failure is decision making. The basis of decision making is information and insight and I believe the two go hand-in-hand in ensuring the most appropriate decision is made.

Thus failure in business is due to poor decision making because there was incorrect, lack of or inappropriate information used and that the insight of the entrepreneur was wrong. Insight itself is a cognitive process and basically a interpretation of external stimuli - so in fact decision making, both directly and indirectly, is correlated to the quality of information received.

Failure is due to making a wrong decision many times over because no effort is made to assess the decision making process. Working with a performance coach or psychologist is useful in understanding the basis for decisions made and making changes in your decision making process. If you fail once and don't assess the process for making decisions then the chances of making the goals or targets you have set are very low. You cannot assume you know how to make a right decision and the warning signs should not be ignored. Thinking you know how to make a right decision is one of those as you will not be open for change.

Small business also fails because the entrepreneur in charge of the business is not made out to work in such as environment. Making a decision to start a business is the first important decision you have to make and one of the most critical. If you get this wrong then your business may already be on the path to failure.

Do your own research (DYOR) vs Assumptions

When I decided to write about this topic I was in the middle of moving house - where due to assumptions (that turned out to be incorrect) my sofa became stuck in the staircase of my apartment and I overloaded my TV with excessive electrical voltage.

So what does this have to do with DYOR vs Assumptions you may ask. Well the initial result achieved for both the sofa move and tv connection was one not desired. It was not desired as I had acted on assumptions of information that were actually not correct and thus my own actions were not appropriate. If I had done my own research I would have identified prior to attempts made that the sofa was too large to fit into the actual width of the staircase rather than assuming by sight (and because it fit into my New York apartment) that it would fit easily and no way be too large.

Same goes with my TV set. Being a nice HD tv I assumed (because I wanted it to work) that I could take a US tv set and plug straight into a UK powerpoint. I assumed it would work because I also didn't want to make it any extra work than necessary. In psychology they call is 'heuristic' decision making because it is based on subjective rules of thumb.

Whilst DYOR will ensure that planning a goal will take more time it will also ensure that (1) your objectives and goals will more likely to be met (2) you will be more in control of your objectives (less stress, more satisfaction etc) and (3) there is reduced risk of unknown problems eventuating which could lead to waste of time and money (wasted time also inferring wasted money).

Now I have to sell my sofa and buy a new one plus have my tv repaired. This is additional time and money spent that could have been avoided if I had planned more effectively by undertaking research in advance.

The 'could have or should have but didn't' stress scenario'‏

Many of us, when feeling stressed, do not take the time to consider what it is that is causing the stress. Alternatively we focus on the latest perception of what we think caused the stress eg. being late because traffic was heavy or public transport was unreliable.

Another source of stress is one that has been caused by ex-post knowledge or better known as hindsight. This comes from the realization that 'if only' you had done something (that was within your power ie 'could have or should have') you could have had a better result. Examples include investment decisions, career decisions, asking out someone you're attracted to or even buying items before the sale occurred.

The stress affects those who are generally short-term focused because they do not realize that opportunities exist continuously and you cannot expect to make the right decision each time. The same people live in the past and the stress is caused by the fact that they feel they have 'lost' something that was theirs or something they deserved - a fact that is completely not relevant and baseless.

The solution is to identify what you can do going forward to put yourself in the position to make a more informed decision or choice. However you must note that ex-ante or future results will always be unpredictable and hindsight is a dangerous platform on which to critique your decisions. In addition you have to be honest and ask whether you put in the time and effort to obtain the information required to make the informed decision you want to make. Remember the quality of the decision made depends on the information you have available to you.

Understand you can do anything but not everything...at least not with total purpose

When it comes to making life choices there are a number of unconscious and conscious forces at play. We can talk about genetics, behavourisms due to your upbringing and social circle and even your specific cognitive traits. These forces will produce needs, motivations, drives and goals. When it comes to making a choice in life about what you want to do it is common, at an early stage, to list a large number of options and wishes. However only later do you begin to realize that though you would love to do everything listed, inherent skills and time and even place in life will impact the success you will have in achieving those goals.

Humans all say a lot of things without really knowing what they are saying because they don't take the time to think about what they are saying. However language and thoughts most definitely influence behaviour so this isn't to be taken lightly. If you say you want to achieve 10 things in a year and you achieve one there will be a level of disappointment along with stress, anger, frustration and anxiety depending on your individual personality. Therefore it is better to think and realize that though you have the capabilities to achieve a lot it is better to focus on only a few at a time to ensure success.

In this goal driven world we live in goals are a normal part of everyday life. But what's the point in having goals if we have no time to undertake the actions necessary to achieve them. Why complete two of 20 goals in a year when you know that simply by living your life that year that you will have another 20 for the year after. Goals and dreams are the life-blood of humanity but unless they are achieved the human psyche will perceive weakness and failure rather than the realization they never had the resources to achieve all stated goals.

The secret is to do the work, make the effort to understand your true needs, motivations and goals and focus on achieving those few most important at any point in time - then move on to the next lot. Achieving five from five each year, rather than 10 from 20, will boost self esteem, increase confidence and reduce negative emotions. But the first step is to remember it's about quality not quantity when it comes to achievement.